


Requited

by Fabrisse



Category: Smallville
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, episode-related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-11-30
Updated: 2002-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-01 06:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/pseuds/Fabrisse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quotation leads Clark to Lex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Requited

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Thamiris for making me revise and revise, and to Rhiannon for betaing. Any errors or omissions are mine alone. Both quotations are from Elizabeth Smart and are in answer to the Elizabeth Smart challenge issued by Serrico.

"I can carry love like Saint Christopher. It is heavy, but I can carry it. It's the stones of suspicion I stumble on. Did I say suspicion? No. No. No. It's nothing. I love you. A slight feeling of nausea, that's all."

Lex put down the book he'd been reading and turned back to work. That paragraph had hit a little too close to home. 

He wanted to believe. In love, in Clark, in truth, Mom, apple pie, and the American way. But his mother had left him alone with a bitter example of the true American way, and now Lex was unsure he knew how to love or even to believe in it, and even most apple pies were mealy or frozen these days. 

He'd told Lana that, "Poetry is about seduction." And then quoted lines of passion and ravishment dedicated not to a person, but to that great parent in the sky. He wished he could believe in Him, too. Lana'd looked at him in panic, recognizing the poet but not the poem, fearing that someone might be attracted to her, someone who wouldn't respect her distant ways, might make her feel in her body. They'd both been relieved when Clark came into the room, Lana because Clark was safe, Lex because Clark made him long for every moment of the heavenly ravishment Donne had described. And the nausea of bitter suspicion besides. 

The prickle of water rushed over his tongue. Lex drank a lot when Clark was around, mostly because otherwise he'd be constantly dry-mouthed. Now, just thinking about him made Lex reach reflexively for one of the blue bottles he kept in every room. It kept him from handling other slick, hard things. 

And, as if picking up the bottle were a cue, Clark entered the room. 

"Are you busy?" 

"I can take a break." Kyla had added a refinement to Clark's beauty. Lana'd been about pining for the moon, a child's crush, and it seemed that Clark finally understood that. Jessie had been about carnal knowledge. No matter that Clark was probably still a virgin; things had obviously progressed -- and quickly -- far beyond Smallville's standards of sophomore dating decorum. Kyla had been about mutuality: love, or something that could develop into love, requited. And lost. 

"Lana came to see me last night." 

Lex's shoulders dropped a little. "I'm not surprised. She's your friend." 

"No. She cried on my shoulder. Whitney's missing in action." 

A sharp nod, another favor requested and answered. "I'll see if my father's contacts in DC can find out something more for you." 

"Thank you, Lex. I'd appreciate it, and I know Mrs. Fordman would, too." 

"Was there something else you needed?" Lex picked up a report and started to open it. 

"Did you know that I'm in AP English as well as sophomore English?" 

"Quite a non sequitur." He put the folder down and leaned back in his chair. Sometimes it was easier to approach things indirectly, with a desk between them. 

"It isn't really. Lana's, well, Lana. Last semester she told me that we're just friends and then hinted that I should kiss her. ... " 

Lex sighed. 

Clark continued, a little hesitantly, "I think that she came to me for sympathy because... because she may have lost someone that she'd dated, that I knew ... and to, to let me know that, in spite of what I said to her and Chloe, I should be her ... I don't even have a word for it. It's not boyfriend." 

"She's keeping you on a string." 

The Clark who looked back at him was definitely older than the Clark he'd seen a few days ago. "She's trying to." The rest started to come in a rush. "And what really hurts is that I think she could be a good friend, if I weren't a guy. Not once did she say anything about Kyla. Not that I'd liked her, or about the fact that she'd died. Nothing. She came to me about Whitney. I know it's selfish, but couldn't she have even mentioned Kyla?" 

Lex felt a knot loosen inside. "No. She really couldn't. It's not selfish; Kyla meant a lot to you. What did you do for Lana?" 

"Held her. Comforted her as best I could. Sent her home. I didn't kiss her, though. I'm pretty sure she wanted me to, but, I know they looked alike -- Pete said that I'd gone for the next best thing to Lana -- but Kyla wasn't 'the next best thing.' She was better." 

"Because she liked you back." 

"Because we found things to talk about even when we ran out of the things we had in common." Clark went quiet and then continued. "Because I know that a couple of weeks isn't a relationship, but I wanted to know whether I could really be a boyfriend." Clark smiled for a minute. "I hope I'd be a good one." 

Lex could see Clark thinking it through. 

"Lana was a fantasy." Clark smiled a little wider at Lex's raised eyebrow, but didn't rise to the bait. "And Lana's smart, but we never find those other things to talk about. Just her and school." 

"But you did with Kyla." Lex saw the little nod Clark gave. "I must admit the AP English connection is still a mystery." 

"We've been reading some of the nineteenth century classics. _Jane Eyre_ , _Middlemarch_ \-- that kind of book. Where one character is 'pining for another' or marrying the wrong person and discovering love later." 

"And..." 

"Our end of semester paper is supposed to get us started on twentieth century literature. Ms. Marks gave us a list of books. We had to pick one to read and do a comparison with one of the books we'd read in class." Clark had closed in on himself. Usually when they got to that point, Clark would leave or Lex would change the subject to something more general, but Lex could feel something just under the surface that Clark was trying to say, so he let the pause continue. 

The silence had lasted for over a minute when Lex said, "Do you need help finding the book?" 

Clark looked startled, and then came back to himself. "I found a quote. It made me think about, well, about relationships ... and, can I read it to you?" 

"Sure." 

Clark reddened as he started. "'To deny love, and deceive it meanly by pretending that what is unconsummated remains eternal, or that love sublimated reaches highest to heavenly love, is repulsive, as the hypocrite's face is repulsive when placed too near the truth.'" 

Lex's back straightened; the quotation had struck him forcibly as he'd read it. He still hadn't finished the book. "Elizabeth Smart?" Not wanting to risk misunderstanding, Lex said, "And you're comparing Lana to Kyla that way?" 

"No. I'm comparing what I had with Kyla and have -- sort of -- with Lana and -- even more sort of -- with Chloe with what I have with you." 

Lex went still. He could feel Clark's eyes on him, but didn't dare to meet them. "You have a very honest face, Clark. But she's right -- it can be repulsive when you're a hypocrite." 

Clark froze. Lex could see that wasn't the part of the quote that Clark wanted to talk about. He watched panic race through Clark's face before it settled into resolve. "I know. Lana talks about secrets, but everyone has secrets." 

"What about lies?" There was no hesitancy in Lex's gaze now; he was peeling back the layers. 

"I, Lex...You're right, I..." Clark started to get up and leave. 

"Sit down." Clark sat down so hard his teeth clicked. "What changed?" 

"I just -- I needed to tell you." Lex continued to look at him. "Kyla. Died. Lex, it was so quick." The beginnings of tears stood in Clark's eyes. Lex softened a little, let himself nod encouragingly. 

"Pete knows about me because he found enough evidence that I had to tell him. I hate lying. My parents... you... I should go." Clark started to pick up the book he'd dropped. 

Lex sorted through the previous incoherence for a moment. "I hit you with my car. You can run faster than the Lamborghini. Things break when they hit you instead of killing you." 

It looked to Lex like Clark had been gutted, then honesty buoyed Clark. "Yes, yes, and yes. I can also see through things, lift over a ton, and set things on fire with my eyes." 

"What did Pete find evidence of?" 

"He found my ship. So had Mr. Nixon." 

"I knew. Alien. Hell, I'd even figured out that you were unconsciously setting those fires." There was another long pause. Lex reached for the file again, dismissal ready. The pain he saw in Clark's eyes made him ask, "Is that all you have to tell me?" 

"Yes." Clark started to get up again, then expelled a deep breath and sat still. "No." Clark looked directly at him. "Please don't stop me. I need to finish what I've been trying to say. 

"Go ahead, Clark." 

"There are lots of things about love in these books. But, um, the best ones seem to be about friends -- who, who find that they're really close. And I don't think of Chloe ... or Pete or Lana. I think of you." 

Lex's eyes widened at the confession. He'd never expected emotional courage from Clark. Once again, he looked straight into Clark's eyes. "Why?" 

"Because when I'm with you there's always something to talk about. Because I hope you can forgive me. And I really, really want you to kiss me." 

The words were barely a whisper, but Lex heard them trumpet-clear. His own mother had died, but mothers were good. If he didn't like apple pies, he could find one that he did like. The American way was still a good way if informed by compassion. He believed. In all of it, but especially in Clark and truth. 

Lex smiled as he walked around the desk to kiss Clark 


End file.
